A common question around quitting drinking is whether you will feel lonely. The answer is “probably not as lonely as you feel now.” If you’re drinking too much and in inner turmoil about quitting or keeping your drinking a secret, you most likely aren’t truly connecting with the people around you, and that feels incredibly lonely.

I’ve always said there will be events that leave you feeling isolated, when everyone is drinking and laughing but you, and you feel a bit outside of the fun zone. And there may be people in your life who were with you just to drink, and those relationships will suffer. But the new connections you make will be authentic and deep, and you will start to realize how, in so many existing close relationships, you say so little so much of the time, and those relationships can deepen as well. Because of that, I found myself much more socially connected once I quit drinking—not overnight, but over time.

As I’ve mentioned, I connected with different alcohol-free groups online especially in the first year, all people at a safe distance from my real life. But when I finally met a few of them in NYC, it was an incredible gift. It was the opposite of awkward; we already knew so much about each other that we could talk about whatever we wanted. We each just “got” what the others had been through, and it was the most comfortable social gathering I’d ever been in. Our souls had been husked, so there was no point in pretending about anything. We could just be together.

If you’re looking for a group to connect with, drop me a note and I’d be happy to share the ones I tried and offer thoughts on each. They can be a gift in those early weeks and months, and you’d be surprised how many friends you can make through them.