When you tell people you don’t drink, or you quit drinking, there is a lot of curiosity around the why.  Did you have a problem? Were you/are you an alcoholic? Are you “sober”? Are you in “recovery”? I don’t know what the answer to those questions does for them. Ultimately, I decided the answer didn’t even matter to me.

What I did know is that I drank too much. I was plugged into the health literature enough to know my consumption was unhealthy, for one thing. But more than that, my drinking scared me. Not the amount I was drinking each day, because sometimes it wasn’t that much. What scared me was that feeling that it had some kind of hold on me, that I was always a little too aware of it, and that the hold was likely to get stronger over time. And as I said, I knew I needed to stop, but didn’t know how. The label didn’t matter because whatever labeled you applied; the plan was the same: stop drinking.

On top of that, I know as a lawyer that our choice of words matters to controlling the narrative. And just as controlling the narrative is key in any investigation or litigation, it’s also key in telling our stories, particularly stories as delicate as these can be. So, I’ve avoided talk of “sobriety” and other buzz words that are associated with 12-step programs because once you’re tossed in that bucket, you lose control of your story.  It’s hard enough for people to share their stories on this topic, but people are even more reluctant if they think they will be lumped in with another group for life.

My advice for the week is that you should share your story in the way and with the words that make sense to you and reflect your experience. The greater the variety of stories out there, the better.