Day 310.
Lovely Saturday morning in Brooklyn. When I was in the early stages, I felt awkward sharing any tips about how to keep going, but now that I’m past the 300 day mark, it feels legitimate. So take these or leave these as you wish, but here are a few things that helped me at various points.

●    Starting slow in the beginning. As I’ve said before, I didn’t worry about diet or exercise or anything else at first. The other stuff followed on its own fairly quickly (a few weeks, and then another few weeks), but if I had rushed “all the changes at once” I likely would have become overwhelmed. I definitely did not rush socializing.

●    Once you get your footing or feel a bit bored (my God another night at home with tea and/or AF beer and a bath),it’s time to mix it up. If you keep the same life and subtract alcohol, you will obviously dwell more on the absence of alcohol. If you’re socializing is always around happy hour, and at a bar or restaurant with loud music and great drinks, etc. you will often find it hard to talk and connect with people, so you will be bored and really wanting to drink. Sometimes you have to —a friend’s birthday, etc. and I’ve done those nights.  I was generally bored and tried to excuse myself at an early hour.

●    I’ve tried to switch more of my socializing to the morning or mid-day on weekends, and meeting friends for an activity (walk and talk, pedicure, joining a class they’re doing, a hike or a run and just hang in the park afterward and stretch and talk) and I really have loved it. It gets me up and moving, thinking, “I wouldn’t be doing this if I were drinking!,” there’s no expectation of alcohol, and then my quiet night with tea and AF beer is more of a relaxing and well deserved self-care unwinding than an “ugh another night of this gross green tea.”

●    Your hard drinker friends will of course always opt for hard drinking activities, but a lot of other friends might surprise you. Some are really excited by the idea of a hike or doing something else healthy and active; it just hadn’t occurred to them to suggest it.

●    Look for ways to expand to circle to include new interests and activities. more people who share your new values / lifestyle. Just sign up for stuff and go. When you see someone doing something you’d like to do, ask that person if there’s a local group or club that you can join. Just connect, connect, connect.

●    As you feel comfortable, share your challenge to increase accountability in the way that works for you. I tried for years to be AF or “cut down” to 2-3 drinks per week. I’d go it alone, maybe tell two friends I was cutting down, but if I reached for a glass or wobbled no one was going to try to stop me. I had some stretches—almost 30 days, nearly 80 the year before, but kept sliding back again.

●    This time, I really wanted it to work and knew I needed accountability but wasn’t ready to post here or make a declaration to anyone close to me who might see me fail. So in the beginning (the first 3 weeks) I just texted a random acquaintance I knew through another online platform (he’d posted that he was sober for ten years and would support anyone who wanted to give it a go).  It was odd, for sure.  I’d say, “I’m totally fine but just want to try a one-year challenge of not drinking so I’m going to text you every few days or once a week to let you know I’m still in the game.”  He felt “safe” because there is zero overlap in our lives and he lives in another state, etc. etc. Fortunately, my weirdness did not deter him. And he was my accountability buddy for the first few weeks. I then started posting and sharing elsewhere, but just text him every month or two to let him know I’m still in the game. Find allies wherever you can. 

●    Although this might sound odd, I kept a childhood picture of myself at an age when I was brimming with excitement about the future and believed I could do and be anything, and I kept thinking about getting her back and giving her what she deserved. Step outside yourself for a minute and think about that little girl or boy and how you’d do anything in the world to give them that spark again.

●    If you blip, don’t obsess about resetting or continuing.  Keep a dual count if you want.  Reach out, set a new plan to get back on track, and keep moving forward.