Now that we’re into the fall, the calendar is full of welcome (cocktail) receptions and will soon be full of corporate (and personal) holiday (cocktail) party events, all of which can present some hand wringing for the non-drinker.  It’s not that these events make us miss drinking; at this stage I can’t remember the last time I truly missed drinking, but it’s been a while.  I just don’t think about it in my day to day.  I don’t experience cravings anymore, or anything like that “oh my God, I could use a DRINK” feeling.  But the logistics of these events can involve needless amounts of friction for the non-drinker and that can make them exhausting when stacked on your calendar one after the other.  Let me explain.

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Imagine you get an invite to such an event and you are not an alcohol drinker. What does that decision process and experience look like for you?  First you might see the invite and wonder, “will there be anything zero proof to drink? Or anything other than seltzer and soda?”  The answer is often “assume not;” you now have a mental back-and-forth about whether to go at all, unsure whether you want to deal with the uncertainty and hassle of locating something nonalcoholic at what might turn out to be another old fashioned cocktail event.  Or whether you want to battle crowds/traffic to attend an event just to be empty-handed or holding a sparkling water.

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But let’s say you choose to go.  (Good for you!) You see someone you know on the way in and strike up a conversation.  As you enter, servers are circulating with trays of champagne or wine glasses.  Your companion breezily takes one and continues talking.  You now stand there empty-handed, feeling the void in your hand and wondering whether you should make your way to the bar to see what zero proof options there might be.  Friction point. So you politely excuse yourself to make your way to a crowded bar, where you run into someone else you know.  That person asks, “what are you having? I’ll get it for you.”  You don’t know what to ask for because you have no idea what they have. Another friction point.

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You look around the items at the bar setup and don’t see anything zero proof, so you get the bartender’s attention and ask what non-alcoholic options they have.  Silence. Then, “uh we have juice, soda. . . “ or maybe if they’re not too busy the bartender offers to make you something, which is very kind.  But you’ve likely just spent the first ten minutes or so of the event dealing with distractions and friction and now you find yourself having to reenter a conversational circle. None of this is a huge deal, of course, but it’s a steady, persistent annoyance that is easily avoided by event planners, and if you’re already undecided about attending, these logistical hassles make you feel a little less welcome and tip the balance against attendance.

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A few quick observations on how it’s gone for me so far, in case it helps those in the first couple weeks:

●    First, update your event messaging. When sending out invitations (or including cocktail hours on conference agendas), always note that “both zero proof and alcoholic drinks will be served.”

●    Second, expand or shift your stock.  Featuring even half a dozen non-alcoholic options (not including juice and soda!) will make you seem more contemporary and earn you tremendous gratitude.  Including non-alcoholic beer, red wine, white wine, and three zero proof spirits—say a zero proof gin, whiskey, and mezcal gives non-drinkers a variety of “adult” options that look and taste great.

●    Third, make those zero proof options visible.  If servers are circulating with wine, include non-alcoholic wine on the trays. I’ve never understood why servers can circulate with “regular or decaf” coffee at dessert but not “alcoholic or non-alcoholic” wine before or at dinner.  If you’ve set up a bar, make the zero proof options as visible as the alcoholic options, and/or include a placard that lists the nonalcoholic options you are featuring, as even regular drinkers like to try zero proof drinks and may not want to drink on a particular night.

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If you’re hosting an event at an outside bar or restaurant, there’s no reason you can’t make the same requests of the restaurant.  These steps cost next to nothing in terms of time and money for event planners, but will mean the world to your guests.